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The Perks of Living Alone

Call it antisocial, introverted, or even questionably unhealthy, I am one of those people who actually enjoys spending a lot of time in their own company, in fact I often prefer it to spending time with others. So naturally, I have dreamt about having my own place for years. Countless hours have been spent on Pinterest pinning decor inspiration to my ‘crib’ board, fuelling my burning desire to leave the confides of my family home to go off in pursuit of my independent woman status and a space to call my own.

And even though I am tremendously excited to start the next chapter in my life, it is quite overwhelming and a lot more time consuming than I anticipated! As a result, procrastination has led me here: to write a quick post about what I have convinced myself the top 15 pros of living alone will be to comfort me in my decision to take the next step.

1. Freedom to be naked

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Enough said. I mean, who don’t love being naked?

2. Secret Directioner? Pump that jam out

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Solo dance parties and TV remote sing alongs to Teenybopper classics will never be frowned be upon again.

3. Time for self-discovery

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Living alone will be a huge adjustment and definitely present it’s challenges, but working through them on my own will only make me stronger and more able to handle working through personal and emotional situations. On the flip side, I could become totally emotionally unstable.

4. Everything will be exactly how I want it

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Living alone means I won’t have to consult with anyone over how to decorate. Compromise was never really my thing anyway.

5. No waiting to use anything, ever

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Toilet, shower, washing machine, toaster, nothing! Busting? Waltz right on in and relieve yourself. Hell, do it with the door open.

6. No distractions

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Living alone means peace and quiet to write, creep, Pinterest or Tumblr to my hearts content without any intrusions, interruptions or interferences. There’s nothing like being walked in on as your Tumblr dashboard buffers on an awkward sex gif and while you look sheepish and ashamed your friend is left wondering what blogs you’re really following.

7. No more passive aggressive notes on my food telling others to leave it the fuck alone

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Fantasising about that left over pizza you’re going to eat as soon as you get home only to get home and find it’s been eaten will be a thing of past.

8. Eat as much food as I want without others passing judgement

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I have been forced to my room to binge eat in closeted shame for too long. Living alone will mean I can eat however much I want, of whatever I want, whenever I want without feeling the watchful eye of my friend who I promised to diet with looking at me in disappointment and shame.

9. There will be no-one to question my mental stability

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If I want to spend an entire week in bed making my way through every season of Sex and The City while drinking wine from the bottle and living off potato chips, I can. More importantly, without intervention.

10. Not having to clean up after anyone but myself

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I won’t be burdened with any one else’s mess as the only mess will be the one I created. When I get home at night, my place will exactly as I left it. On the flip side, if I decide to leave clothes in total disarray across the living room floor, I can without being nagged to clean it up.

11. No obligation to make small talk if I just want to be left alone

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Because some days you just cannot be fucked.

12. Total privacy for sexual exploits in any room of the house

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When the moment arises, go hard, right then and there. Puns not intended.

13. No unwanted guests 

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Weird friends of my flatmate who loiter and chat loudly in the hallway outside her room while I’m trying to have a nap will be no more.

14. No awkward altercations

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No one likes confrontation, especially when it gets inevitably heated. Although it may have started off over a teaspoon, never underestimate the power of confrontation to destroy (what was) a life long friendship. Three words: that. shit. escalates.

15. Total freedom to do absolutely whatever I want, whenever I want, however I want, with whomever I want without having to think about anyone else first.

Cartman

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Post Road Trip Blues & Lessons Learned

So, I just got back from what was possibly the most life-changing experience I’ve had to date: a two-week road trip around the Mother Land with… my Mother.

But first I want to rewind back to the week or so prior to departure.

Tuesday, 23 June, 2014 – 2.03pm

Fed up with the shitty existence that is life in dreary, dead-beat Invercargill, I rocked into work (where I worked as an English tuition assistant) and found my boss adjusting the magnetic timetable in the very confined staffroom/kitchen/printing area. I thought to myself, “fuck it”, and  awkwardly blurted out without thought, “can I talk to you about something?” She knew. I explained to her that I was frustrated with life in Invercargill, or lack-thereof and that I needed to leave my job in pursuit of *more happiness (excuse the cheesy  Will Smith film/Kid Cudi song reference).

*I wasn’t inherently miserable and definitely was not chasing happiness thinking I would find it in another person, job, city or material experience. I was, and still am, happy in myself, with myself and all the aspects of me. I just wanted move to a place where things were happening and moving forward, where opportunity was ever-present, where people were happy, inspired and abundant, where the skies were blue, and where there was generally just more happiness.

Same day, roughly 7.47pm that evening.

I told my Mum what I had done over a $2 bag of Herbert Street chips and a butty. She was in full favour of my decision, agreeing that I wasn’t going to reach my full potential in any aspect of my life here. Mum, who had been going through a particularly challenging time re: her relationship and who was equally as fed up with life in Invers said, “should we take Blue (what we call our 1998 blue VW Golf) on a two-week road trip around New Zealand?” With a mouth full of bread, chips and sauce I nodded and managed a muttered, “shit yes!” It was a little unexpected, but the best things in life often are! Mum needed a holiday/break/to find herself and to be quite honest, I was the same.

Not much was said about it after that until the morning of my friend’s wedding when I reminded Mum to pick me up  in Queenstown the next day around 10.00am. And to bring water and panadol because I was going to be horrendously hungover.


Now that the story telling is out of the way, I just want to share some of the awfully cliched but positively invaluable lessons I learned over my two-weeks on the road. And also, some general road tripping tips.

NB: the following is not intended to sound like an excerpt from an amateur self-help book.

  1. 9882969161cd668b97034817ddf10768It’s okay to not know Part of the reason I took you back to the week and a bit prior to leaving was because I wanted to put everything into context for you. I quit my job without the security of having another one to walk into. I had no idea what I was doing with my life, in fact I still don’t, but it’s so much more fun that way because when you don’t have any set plans, you’re far more likely to say ‘yes’, thus open to the endless possibilities and opportunities that will present themselves. What I’m saying is, if you want to travel, explore your options (of which you have infinite), try something new or move away, don’t be scared to take a risk. If you’ve got the right mindset, it always works out for the best anyway!
  2. You don’t need a plan - You don’t! Whatever needs organised or booked or reserved for a road trip, we hadn’t organised, booked, or reserved it. Trust the process of life and know that you will be taken care of. We did and we were. There will always be somewhere to stay and something to eat so stop looking at your timetable and watching the clock and fucking enjoy yourself. You spend enough time slaving away to meet deadlines at work. Go with the flow of life and keep on rolling under the stars. Embrace the freedom and do what you want whenever you want. You will feel so fucking liberated and refreshed you won’t want to go back to meeting deadlines at work. Note: this is a good thing in my opinion.
  3. Live in the moment - Simple as that. The past is history and the future isn’t here yet. Stop worrying about what has been or what may be and start enjoying what is. As soon as you find yourself thinking about anything that isn’t this moment, redirect your thoughts to where you are right now and what you’re doing and enjoy it.
  4. Don’t take life so seriously - Or yourself for that matter! No one gets out alive so you might as well just laugh that shit off. Whether your car gets towed or your haircut looks nothing like the photo you took in –  what’s done is done, you can’t change it so you might as well laugh at it. I’m pretty sure your life will be better for it.
  5. A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything -  Enough said really. Tell me a time you were angry, stressed, disappointed, hurt or worried when a good night’s sleep and/or a deep belly laugh so hard you cried didn’t make you feel better. Go on.
  6. Don’t settle - I should actually write a full blog post about this one but for now I will leave you with this: Don’t settle for anything less than the best. Believe you deserve it and believe you can have it and you will. It’s as simple as that. Remember: the only difference between you and the people you see who have everything they want is that they were bold enough to believe to they could have it.
  7. Life is meant to be FUN – What is the  fucking point of life if you’re nothing having fun with it!?!? Please, someone tell me! Because I’m even seeing people my age living their life like they’re just paying bills until they die. I’m going to write a full blog post about this too because there is nothing I am more passionate about than the belief that life is supposed to be fun. Keep coming back to keep an eye out for blog posts on 5 and 6!
  8. Love yourself first -  Fortunately, and without sounding conceited, I just do. Not in vanity or pride, but rather in that I have made peace with who I am, I accept everything there is about me and I just think I’m actually pretty awesome. However, it hasn’t always been that way. Nevertheless, self-love is integral to having a good life. And if you don’t like the term self-love, let’s call it confidence. When you love yourself, or are confident, you’re more open to opportunities, you’re more assertive in that you know exactly what you want and what you like, you will attract more loving and genuine friendships with other’s because you’re strong enough to tell anyone who’s mistreating you to get fucked because you know your worth, you’ll land yourself a babin’ BF, or GF if you’re that way inclined, who loves you to bits and with whom you build a strong relationship because rather than compensating for your lack, they compliment your whole. Clearly, this is something I could talk a lot about too. Let me know if you would like a full post on this topic and tips on how you can work towards self-love.

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  1. Road trip playlist - Create one. There’s nothing like flying down the open road with the speakers blasting and you singing your ass off to your favourite anthem. I realise I just created the cheesiest, Crossroads-esque image in your mind but you know it’s true. Check out my Road Trip playlist on Spotify if you’re stuck for ideas!
  2. Camera - iPhone cameras are okay, but if you can get your hands on a proper camera with all the bells and whistles, take it. A GoPro could actually be a really cool idea, too!
  3. Car charger - I hadn’t thought about one of these bad boys until I hit the road and I have no idea why I was so late on it! The car phone charger alone changed my life.
  4. Google Maps – Download it. When you’re struggling to navigate a new city, big or small, Siri will get you out of the stickiest situations and get you on the quickest route.
  5. Pack comfortable clothes - Chances are you’ll be doing a lot of driving. Apart from when we went shopping in the bigger cities, I lived in leggings, an oversized jumper of some description, a scarf, beanie and ugg boots. Something a lot like this, actually. NB: it is winter in New Zealand at the moment.
  6. Take a good book - Something I wish I had done. Internet was a bit scarce and when we didn’t have any or weren’t given much at our accommodation, a good book would have gone down a treat. I can’t read when driving or else I’ll get car-sick, but for those of you who can it would be a nice alternative to music, too.
  7. A notebook - Journal, diary, whatever! There’s nothing quite like the novelty of jotting down your thoughts overlooking the spectacle of the Southern Alps at sunrise. Or whatever pensive views you might come across on your travels.
  8. Stop off at viewing spots - I am guilty of flying past viewing spots because I didn’t want to stop off only to get stuck behind the line of heavy vehicles I just finished passing. Even if it is your home country, on a road trip you are a tourist too. So, if pulling over means you can get a Instagram worthy photo you can upload to show off how much you’re #lovinglife, pull the fuck over and take in the view.
  9. Check the weather -  Check for weather warnings/road closes (you can do this on MetService.com if you’re in New Zealand) because you really don’t want to drive for three hours to find the highway you’re on has been closed off due to severe weather like floods or slips.
  10. Take it all in - The sights, the sounds, the smells, everything! This could be the last road trip you take for a while so e n j o y it. Even if you get to a town/city that wasn’t quite what you were hoping for, still try to make the most of it. Look at it this way, you weren’t going to know if you didn’t go, right?
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Mini Style Hacker

With close to 91,000 followers on Instagram, Ministylehacker (otherwise known as four-year old Ryker Wixom and his Mum, Collette) is showing you don’t need to be rich to have style.

Mrs Wixom started dressing Ryker in copy cat outfits three months ago. She writes on her Mini Style Hacker blog the reason for her inspiration: “This all started when a friend showed me pictures of a few ‘fashion kids’ on Instagram.” Noticing the expensive designer brands such as Gucci and Ferragamo that adorned these children, Mrs Wixom decided to ‘hack’ the style of men’s fashion and show other parents how they could do the same.

Mrs Wixom styles Ryker in shots juxtaposed alongside celebrities, male models and fashion bloggers effortlessly copying their outfits and poses.

Instead of dressing him in the expensive threads rocked by Ryan Gosling, Pharrell and fashion blogger Adam Gallagher, Ryker models outfits made up of more affordable brands including Gap, H&M, Target and Zara to show keen parents how to style their children for a fraction of the cost.

Mrs Wixom gets Ryker to cooperate by making it fun for him. She says she convinces Ryker to copy the poses by engaging with his imagination, “if you see him with his hands in his pockets, he is holstering his imaginary laser guns. If you see him leaning against a wall, he is trying to push it over with his body weight.”

Although the mother-of-two says the attention Ryker has generated has been “completely unexpected”, I don’t think it is! Here’s to a ridiculously photogenic wee boy and a Mum who is helping the shape the way for kid’s fashion.

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Purpose

Purpose - noun

1. The reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.
2. A persons sense of resolve or determination

When I think of the word purpose my mind instantly interjects and compares purpose to crisis. When someone says to me, “oh, ya know, I’ve just been wondering what my purpose in life is…” I automatically interrupt with reassurance, assuming they have plummeted deep into an existential crisis and are about to come out the other end by selling everything they own to go all Eat, Pray, Love on it’s ass and flee the country, uprooting everything they know to be true to go searching for answers from a wise Medicine Man in Bali.

Now while the latter doesn’t sound like an entirely bad idea, I have since realised that to question your purpose isn’t to say you are having a crisis and to find your purpose doesn’t require such dramatic action. To me, we question our purpose when we feel unfulfilled and suddenly aware that we are not living the life we have dreamed of, and that finding your purpose is as simple as finding your passion.

We’ve all been there, right? We scroll through Facebook and see that our primary school peer is out doing her bit to save the world by building houses in Africa and saving turtles in Costa Rica. We see that hot guy we talked to at that house party one night at Uni on the front page of the paper with millions to his name after starting a successful business in web design (wishing we had actually taken him up on that date offer). We might even look to the TV and see actors, actresses, models, musicians all travelling the world with private jets, makeup artists, stylists, personal trainers, the best of everything. Then it hits us that we’ve been living vicariously through the lives of others and we’re silenced with the sudden realisation that these people are living with purpose and we’re not. Shit. We’re sat there with our heads in our hands, nudged, “are you okay?” We respond with a grunt because that’s all we can muster under  the millions of questions and conversations racing through minds all centralising around the big question, “WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE!?”

This scenario can last anywhere from just a few minutes to days, weeks, months on end. But, it can be avoided all together if we stop comparing our lives to other’s and find our passion instead. If you don’t know what yours is yet, my advice is to go looking for it. Don’t settle for what you’ve got if you want more by making excuses and putting it off with the ‘oh, but’s’ or the  ‘what if’s’. Go exploring, travel, make the most of opportunities, talk to people, immerse yourself in things you are interested in, step out of your comfort zone and do things that make you happy. If you do know what your passion is, pursue it. Make it your priority and work towards making it your reality. The only difference between you and the people whose lives you admire, dream of or envy is that they found their passion and made it their purpose.

Here are some questions I like to ask myself whenever I have moments of doubt as to whether or not I am living my purpose. Answering these honestly usually finds me back on the right track. That is, feeling inspired, motivated and empowered!

  1. What do I love to do, that I would do even if I wasn’t getting paid for it?
  2. What do other people tell me I’m good at?
  3. What is the one thing, above all, that I would like to experience or accomplish so that I could look back on my life with no regrets?
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The Selfie

There are currently a staggering 109million photos hash-tagged #selfie on Instagram. And with the recent announcement of ‘selfie’ as Oxford English Dictionary’s word of 2013, the nature of the selfie allowing us to interact with our favourite celebrities in ways like never before and an increased use of selfies in marketing, online campaigns and advertising like this one and this one, it is fair to say that #selfieculture, a term coined by psychologists to highlight the ubiquity of selfies, shows the selfie as undeniably cementing itself as a hallmark of modern pop culture.

‘Selfie’ is the name given to a photo which has been taken on our smartphone’s reverse camera with the intention of it being uploaded to our social media platform of choice to serve as a visual communication of where we are, what we are doing, how we are looking or who we are with.

The Chainsmokers got down on the selfie trend by taking advantage of its pervasiveness which would then lead to the overwhelming success of their debut single.

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The music video includes a sarcastic dialogue to ridicule the stereotypical selfie-goer and also features a montage of everyday people who had hash-tagged their pictures ‘#selfie’ amongst selfies of celebrities such as Snoop Dogg, Kim Kardashian and David Hasslehoff. The song mocks selfie culture by highlighting how self-obsessed we are as we take selfies at the most uninteresting and inopportune of  times, such as working out at the gym or mourning at a funeral (yeah, people seriously do that). The iconic lyric of the song, “but first, let me take a selfie” and other hash-tags such as ‘#selfiesunday’ or ‘#selfienation’ are often used to caption selfies to take the shame out of posting a selfie by acknowledging one’s blatant self-indulgence. Sure, selfies are emblematic of our collective cultural decay in a world over-saturated by social media but, are they really that narcissistic and something to be embarrassed about?

I don’t think so, and here are three reasons why:

  1. Selfies as normalising and redefining beauty: For years we have been comparing ourselves to “perfect” women in the media, to an unrealistic and unattainable expectation of beauty. As Pamela Rutledge, Ph.D. faculty director of the media psychology program at the Massachusetts school of Professional Psychology says, “”the cult of the selfie celebrates regular people. [Because of the selfie] there are many more photos of ‘real’ people than idealised images by thousands.” With the emergence of the selfie, we are able to redefine beauty as we see it in ourselves and the people we know around us. By embracing our own beauty we are challenging social norms. Rather than be represented by an unrealistic ideal of beauty, we are representing the beauty of ‘real’ women ourselves.
  2. The ‘ugly’ selfie: (Queue Ricky Gervais’s infamous bath selfie) The ‘ugly’ emerged in a response to criticism about narcissism in regular selfies. ‘Ugly’ is loosely defined in this context, but whether it be a deliberate duck-face piss take or a quadruple chin selfie sent to your best friend on Snap Chat, we all take them and every time we’re challenging the egotistical stigma attached to a conventional selfie. They also serve as a reminder not to take life too seriously – there’s nothing like chuckling at a blatant ‘ugly’ when scrolling through your Instagram feed of otherwise flawless, filtered faces to brighten your day! In response to the ‘ugly’, Sarah, a Victoria University Student says the ‘ugly’ puts her personality back into self-documentation, “it makes taking selfies fun and a bit of a laugh. I think it’s healthy to be able to take the piss out of ourselves and laugh at ourselves. I think other people respect and enjoy it, too.”
  3. Selfies and self-esteem: Although many people believe the selfie is rooted in narcissism and conceit, psychologists say that in moderation selfies are a feel-good and creative way to chronicle our lives and express our personalities; that in which, people who post selfies assert they are in control of they want to feel. When we post a selfie and we receive likes or compliments we feel a boost in our esteem and perceived value of self-worth, it’s like, “I look good and I know it”, but you telling me I look good is going to make me feel even better. As Rutledge says, “it is innately human to seek acknowledgement, approval and acceptance, we are social beings, driven by the need for connection and social validation.” In simpler terms, there’s nothing wrong with a few compliments to boost the old self-esteem!

However, such as everything with life you need to find the balance. So to all the selfie-goers who abuse the selfie, moderation is key because when you post too many you contribute the ridicule and stigma of the selfie phenomenon and you give every other normal selfie-taker a bad rep! We’re not all conceited and self-obsessed, we aren’t all crying out in a desperate plea for validation and attention, nor do we all take selfies stuck in traffic like “haha #stuckintraffic”, to which case you just need told to #keepyoureyesonthedamnroad.

For me, selfies are a fun way to share your experiences with others. Be it lounging around home in trackies or out getting coffee, they are a way to positively capture and upload how good we are feeling in that moment. In this way, the selfie creates an accepting community of people all over the world, sharing the good vibes and promoting self-love. But as it’s now starting to sound more like a hippie cult than an online affinity, I’ll end it here.

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A Video With A Powerful Message – Look Up

This powerful short film by Gary Turk is a reminder that by connecting online, we are disconnecting offline. In just five minutes he challenges you to question what is truly important in your life. By always looking down, what opportunities and precious moments are passing us by that wouldn’t if we were looking up? Everyone should watch this at least once.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7dLU6fk9QY

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Women and Rape Culture – How To Make A Difference

tumblr_mturjcwsrX1qfsoqdo1_500Coined by feminists in the 1970′s, “rape culture” is a term used to refer to the concept which links rape and sexual violence to the culture of a society, and in which existing attitudes normalise, excuse, tolerate and even condone rape. Rape culture is the naturalisation of rape and sexual violence wherein rather than being taught not to rape, people are taught how not to get raped.

Rape culture has also led to this concept of a rape legacy. That although not every woman gets raped, rape affects every woman. With the rape of one woman comes degradation, terror and limitation to all women. It strips women of their freedom and instils a life lived out of fear and precaution. Men, in general, do not fear rape and that’s how rape functions as a powerful means by which women are held in a subordinate position to men and that is largely why the cycle continues.

So, what are the main attributions of rape culture?

  1. Rape as preventative and the victims fault - many arguments around rape focus on preventative behaviour, like telling women what not to do or wear. The issue with this is that it doesn’t place any responsibility on the rapists. Rather, it asks women to be responsible for preventing their own rape (logic!?) Rape culture tells women to be careful about what you wear and how you wear it, where you walk and when you walk, what you drink and how much you drink, etcetera, etcetera. That you should always pay attention, always be aware of your surroundings, always watch your back and never let your guard down lest you be sexually assaulted. And if you are and weren’t following the rules, it’s your fault. Not the perpetrators.
  2. Sexualisation and objectification of women in the media – (queue Robin Thicke’s ‘Blurred Lines’ music video) With the undeniable and ever-present dehumanisation and marginalization of women in the media, men are led to see women as something they can just acquire. Perceiving women as possessions takes away their voice, rights and emotions. Rather, women become seen as something to be used and disposed of at a man’s convenience.
  3. Rape Jokes - slang, phrases and euphemisms desensitise the inexcusable nature of rape and sexual violence. The website Force: Upsetting Rape Culture explains how jokes, slang and the like perpetuate and validate rape as they make “violence against women and sexual coercion seem so normal that people believe that rape is inevitable. Rather than viewing rape as a problem to be changed, people… think about about the persistence of rape as ‘just the way things are’”.
  4. Slut shamingslut shaming attacks women for their right to say ‘yes’. It is the act of making a woman feel guilty or inferior for certain sexual behaviours or desires that defy traditional gender ‘norms’ and expectations. To ‘slut shame’ a woman is to suggest that she is behaving in a socially unacceptable way. Society then labels that woman as easy, cheap, trashy, tarnished, and even immoral. But, when a man has the same sexual behaviours it is okay, it is acceptable, it is ‘normal’? Emphasising the degradation of a woman’s promiscuity over a man’s makes it seem as though yet again, it is the woman who is wrong, who by having sex is asking to be called a slut and shamed for it.
  5. Loosely understood and subjective definitions of “consent” – the idea of the  “chase” is overly romanticised and well on its way out. To be chased is to be pursued against your will. Rather than pursue someone who expresses disinterest, acknowledge their decision and respect their personal space. As Jessica Valenti writes in The Nation, “lose the ‘no’-means-no model for understanding sexual assault and only focus on the “only ‘yes’ means yes” instead”.

Now that rape culture has been defined and its leading attributors established the question remains, how can we make a difference, if at all?

It’s simple. Help the cause by doing your bit to raise awareness. It’s not to say you can stop rape from happening or to put a complete end to it, but if it’s something you want to help change, raise your voice.

Almost every day, there is a new video or article that shows up on my Facebook or Tumblr feed that addresses rape culture in some way. If it’s not a group of young and inspiring poets,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Wu7Ax78hXo

it’s a celebrity campaign,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLdElcv5qqc

or a short film that shows one instance of how rape can occur, and how you can step in.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hE9FFvIYPg8

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All it takes is the click of a button. When you see something similar, like it, share it, tell your teacher about it, tell me about it, whatever! Like the page it came from and sign up to an organisation to help put the cause higher on the public agenda.

To raise awareness is to address the core issues and break down old ways of thinking about rape. It is to challenge the “it’s her fault” mindset and to force responsibility and punishment on those who are actually at fault.

Jessica, a University of Auckland student thinks to raise awareness is to “help people feel less isolated. If it [rape] happened to them, it will help them speak up and feel less victimised.” The more rape victims who share their stories and report them to authorities, the more incarceration is imposed on the criminals that rapists are.

Emilie Buchwald, author of Transforming a Rape Culture sums it up nicely by saying that “in a rape culture both men and women assume that sexual violence is a fact of life, inevitable… However, much of what we accept as inevitable is in fact the expression of values and attitudes that can change.”

If you’re still not sure you want to help make a difference towards a better world, here are some harrowing statistics I pulled from RAINN.org which show the extent of rape culture in the United States. Let’s change some stats and work towards building a society that respects women’s rights to get drunk without being taken advantage of, to go walking at night without being cat-called, to have sex however she chooses and not be slut-shamed for it, and to wear whatever she wants without being objectified and demoralised!

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The Tinder Addiction

tinder-slideI will openly admit that I had an active Tinder account for a few months. Although in my defence, I wasn’t on it looking for love, I signed up out of curiosity and only ever used it out of boredom as the online equivalent of people watching. However, that isn’t to say I didn’t find myself addicted to the self-gratifying nature of the game. I say ‘used’ because Tinder and I are no more. As I went to deactivate my profile and all the matches to go with it (look at me, sounding like an old hand at the online dating world) I pondered what it is about it that makes Tinder, a location based dating app, so addictive?

All you have to do is log in with Facebook, select your desired gender, age-group and location radius, upload a compilation of flattering (most likely filtered) selfies and bish – bosh – bash, just like that you’re up and running, single and ready to mingle!

In just 19 months, Tinder has become some-what of a cultural phenomenon. Used largely by 18-24 year olds, Tinder, a mobile online dating app is contributing to, and taking advantage of, the fast-growing generation gap. With the mobility and instantaneity of the smart phone leading the way of the future and young people’s comfort in sharing private information, Tinder is the ultimate way to connect, network, flirt, and build relationships on the go (or even better, from the comfort of your sweat pants and fluffy socks at home!) Gone are the Notebook-esque, romantic stories told to us by our parents and grandparents of how they met that long, hot summer. Rather, I imagine they will be a simple, “we both swiped right.” And I guarantee they’ll leave out excerpts of the lewd conversations that led to their eventual meet up.

As shallow as it may be in nature, you cannot deny Tinder’s success. In the year and half since its launch, Tinder is credited with upwards of 750 million matches and counting. How many of those have led to ‘relationships’, in whichever capacity that may be, I do not know. Although my maths isn’t the best, I’m pretty sure that means that there must be at least an active 1,500,000,000 profiles. That’s some pretty good traffic. So, what is it that has 1,500,000,000 of us seemingly addicted to Tinder?

  1. It’s empowering - with the unspoken mutual understanding of a meet up more than likely not going to happen, Tinder gives you this liberating feeling of anonymity. You can shamelessly unleash your inner minx, say whatever you like and not get embarrassed about it because hey, the chances of actually meeting this person are slim anyway.
  2. It’s an ego boost – as matches are based off appearances, it’s a really positive experience to have real people affirm our attractiveness. Tinder underscores and feeds our obsession for constant acknowledgement and approval.
  3. It’s comforting – it’s refreshing to be able to alleviate feelings of loneliness as a result of singledom by the swipe of a screen. A match comforts you by making you feel, to some degree, romantically desirable, as at its core Tinder is a dating app. Hopelessness is gone and instead you feel like you’ve got your pick of eligible suitors lining up to whisk you away.
  4. It’s fun – creators Sean Rad and Justin Mateen even say that Tinder was originally developed for a bit of fun they say they always saw Tinder, the interface, as a game. “They join because they want to have fun. It doesn’t even matter if you match because swiping is so fun”, Rad said in an interview.
  5. Reduced rejection factor - rejection is always a risk in the dating world, but Tinder eases that anxiety as the app only connects users who have expressed a mutual interest. Even though you might not always get an instant match, when you do, you know that they are genuinely interested, not acting out of obligation.
  6. Manage your profile - online dating apps such as Tinder gives you the chance to manage your profile in ways you can’t in real life. You have total control over how you are perceived as you get to hand pick the photos you upload  and the information you provide.
  7. It actually is addictive - instant gratification received by a match gives us an addictive experience. Each match fuels an emotional high and so we keep going back for more.
  8. It’s a fantasy - Tinder can act as an escape from the stressful, tiring, and harsh realities of real world dating Or even the real world. You create fantasies in your head that can distract you for days, “what if I were to meet up with him?”, “what if he’s the one?” Before you know it, you’re planning your wedding. It’s pretty innocent but fuels your imagination and takes your mind off things you’d rather not think about.
  9. Affirmation – Tinder tells you things you wouldn’t get to know offline. We may have confidence and invincibility behind the screen, but in person we are still pretty shy and don’t like to give much away for fear of rejection. It reveals Liam Hemsworth’s doppelgänger from the house down the street thinks you’re hot, or the cute Barista at Starbucks does like you back.

Tinder is the ultimate means of self-indulgence. In a society so concerned with image and how other’s perceive our worth based off looks, do you think Tinder is so successful because of its ability to affirm our attractiveness and feed our ego?